Self-compassion

Find your shame (where you feel like aren’t good enough) and you’ve found an invitation to instead see yourself and your story through the lens of compassion.

Do a quick scan. Where- what aspect of you, are you feeling bad about yourself or your situation right now? How would you describe your feelings?

Some examples:

• Numb, cold, disconnected

• Anxious, judgmental, critical

• Disappointed, irritable, frustrated

Once you have located the feelings, pause and notice the noise of the familiar? Do you want those interpretations to change?

If so, might you work with those feelings differently? Maybe, choose to interpret with compassion?

Photo by Nikita Nikitin: https://www.pexels.com/photo/man-tilting-head-and-putting-hand-on-his-shoulder-11008044/

My body image— how I both reside in and relate to my appearance and my physicality is a place for daily application of this strategic switch out of criticism to compassion. One might explain my personal battle by saying, “Well, Trisha is an Enneagram 3, so she’s concerned with how she appears.”

“She is getting older and it is humbling and she struggles to feel at home at peace in her aging body.”

Or, the most tender one: “She didn’t have emotionally mature or mentally healthy parents and she is an empath, so her insecurity lies with her anxious attachment style and her ability to notice what social and emotional variables are needed to fit in. Her ability to attune to the environment and the perceived expectations is her survival and security.” 

Any and all of those reasons may be why I struggle. The truth is–I just simply judge my body and compare myself to others. I don’t feel strong enough, pretty enough–never quite matching what I think and believe is expected of me. My job as a Nutrition and Wellness Counselor keeps me keenly aware of this inner battle, holding me accountable to be both honest and work hard on a healthier mindset about my relationship to my body and food. I have healed a lot, but dang it–my mental noise is a low hum of discontent with my body and my appearance. Occasionally, the low hum is drowned out by a kinder, more gracious and confident harmony of feelings and thoughts about myself. 

Sometimes, compassion replaces criticism. As we recover and heal–compassion feels more common and more readily accessible. 

To offer compassion is to soothe some form of pain, discomfort. 

If we didn’t experience soothing consistently from our early childhood and caregivers, it might be harder to soothe our pain.

So, offering ourselves comfort or compassion could feel uncomfortable or foreign. Acknowledging this challenge is the first step towards accessing agency (your ability to choose from your options). Then, you can reach for a neutral to positive interpretation of your experience, allowing compassion to influence your thoughts and feelings. 

Why is this a healthier path? It isn't a magic formula or easy. With practice though, reaching for a compassionate take on ourselves and our situation can get easier! 

Let’s peek into what the internal conversation could look like?

I notice myself in the mirror as I walk by. My first thought might be, “Ugh- do I really look like that?” Stop. Notice the negativity. Notice the judge, the critic. Can I access kindness, instead? What can I notice that is kind? What can I think or believe about myself that is positive, gracious? Is compassion for what I see available to me? 

Photo by Anna Shvets: https://www.pexels.com/photo/close-up-shot-of-a-woman-looking-at-a-mirror-4226322/

I can choose compassion. I can choose to like what I see. Do I see something I can acknowledge is good? Can I see me through the lens of love, offering kind, nurturing thoughts and beliefs about who I am? Could I even smile at myself? Might I wrap my own arms around myself and think or say something like,

“I am loved, good. I am beautiful.” 

Whatever we are going through, compassion is always available as comfort and care for ourselves. Let’s swap out the critic for a compassionate voice and presence.